Addendum: Falling... falling

So it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I'm about 6 sets behind right now. I've been busy to be sure (moving for one, acting in a play for another), but that's just an excuse, and a cheap one at that. This whole blog thing is part of a bigger mechanism to keep me on track and to make me a better comedian. Not only is about you good readers (that I can count on one hand) holding me accountable for my work, but it also forces me to reflect on my set, learn from it, and use it towards the next one and so on and etc. If/when I don't use this, in a way, I might as well have not done a set, because I'm far less likely to take anything from it.

So it follows: Judging by actions, if I use this blog because I want to become a better comedian then when I don't use this blog it's because I DON'T want to become a better comedian. I clarified "judging by actions" because intentions are just excuses to justify shitty behavior. We can only go on actions to maintain any sense of accuracy. Digression. I don't want to become a better comedian. The evidence is that I'm not acting in accordance with becoming one (the blog for one, but there's other evidence, I haven't been prepping as hard for sets, not going out as much, not working new material, etc.). Well that's stupid and a waste of fucking time. Let's nip that in the bud now shall we? OK. The first question is why don't I want to become a better comedian?

Well, that answer can tie into why I waited until I was 31 to even try to be a comedian. Fear of success, fear of failure, etc. But I think it ties into something that all of us slip into and that's the path of least resistance. It's simply easier to not put in the work, the writing, the blogging, the recording, the listening, the hitting of mics etc... and to show up once in awhile, tell some jokes and rest on my laurels. It's also easy to JUSTIFY that mindset when you are on the path of least resistance. Here's the thing, you get nowhere slowly.

This is supposed to be hard. You're supposed to work for it. You're supposed to earn it. It's not supposed to be easy. Nothing you want is. If it were easy, I'd already have it.

OK so, knowing that, why have I slacked off? Why am I not pursuing comedy the way I should be?

The path of least resistance is conditioned into us from a very early age. We're trained to desire convenience. You have to stay focused when you stray from the path. There will be a lot of distractions, but you have to remain vigilant. If you lose that focus, if life throws a lot of distractions at once, you will habitually pull back onto the P.O.L.R. and stay on it as long as you let yourself get away with it.

The key is not to blame the distractions (like moving or being in a play or both at the same time, shit like that). It is, at the end of the day, you who made the choice to let the distractions win. When you do that you (meaning me of course) choose not to (well I choose not to) live your dream (be a better comedian).

In summery, I used distractions as an excuse to choose a life of convenience over becoming a better comedian. My comfort is more important than my dream.

Here's the thing: It's only more important AT THAT TIME! It's doesn't have to continue to be. I just have to pick up my commitment to my dream where I left off. I can always come back to it. Is this going to be the last time I fuck off and cruise easy street. No, I will have a breakdown and flake on everything I care about. That's all right so long as I remind myself what's important and come back to the path I want.

Well, here I am blogging again, so here I am training to be a better comedian. Here I am becoming a better comedian. I have some catching up to do. I'm about 5 or 6 shows behind. I have a lot of recordings to go through. And what's the next thing? There are other things I haven't even begun to do to live the dream. The important thing is that I'm here, now, writing this. Thank you for your help in keeping me here. You know who you are. Unless you don't. Then I'll tell you later.