Tonight was Mainstage’s “Funniest Server in Seattle” competition for $75 dollars and bragging rights. I’m a server, I’m funny (maybe), I could use $75. The experience was made slightly underwhelming by the fact that only 2 of us competed for it. The always lovely and talented Justin Grapple (not that you’re reading this Justin, but I’m really sorry if I fucked up your name) was hosting and myself and Simon Kaufman went to bat for it. His set was good but he didn’t have any material about serving. I did. So I won and got $75 which is cool, but here’s the thing, that set went really fucking well for me. I opened with “Toby McGuire” (not that your reading this Toby, but I could give a shit if I fucked up your name), went into “Cheesecake Factory” bit (which thanks to Joe, Danielle, and Paul for their help, has never been better) then closed with “Neuva Ring”. It was water fucking tight and I had the audience the whole time.
After the competition an open mic happened and I was second on this list for that. I wasn’t expecting to do more time so I didn’t prepare anything. A handful of friends came out, some of whom have never seen me, AND this was a great opportunity to practice for Sunday’s big show so I pulled some A stuff out of my ass and through together a set. The emcee, who was having an awkward night, at one point mentioning “So I hate fat chicks…” which gave me an opportunity, so when I went to the mic I just said “More fat chicks for me.” I was applauded. Opened with “Bumbershoot”, went into “Fashion” and finished it off with “Cocaine”. Ba-ZING! Everything fucking landed. It felt so good, I was in control the whole time and I was able to bring the audience with me wherever I went. It was the best night of comedy that I’ve had yet.
It was a great night over all. This woman named Nicole went up for the first time and kicked ass. Danielle put some new shit out and KILLED. She rode off of Nicole and made some references to her set then went into her own stuff. It’s so good I’m so proud/envious of how much but she’s kicking in such a short amount of time. Sunday’s going to rock. David Cope closed up the night and since a lot of my friends were there I requested his “Round-house kick” bit which everyone loved. Great fucking night. I got a plaque.
The absolute and total tragedy of the night is that I LEFT MY FUCKING RECORDER AT HOME!!!! HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK!!! I would’ve finally had good material to post for you here but NOOOooooOOOooo, Douchee McKnutsack here forgot to bring an integral part of the comedy process to his comedy competition. I suck. A rotten capper to an otherwise amazing night.
Lesson: I can do this. I can actually do this.
Back-up Lesson: Bring. The goddamn. Recorder.